I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
