How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize