So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
