They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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