I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
