Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
