Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I AM VODKA MAN
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
