You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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