New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
