I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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