I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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