you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
