I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
