You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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