Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
my poor anus
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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