i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
