alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We need to feng shui this bitch.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
