If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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