I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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