Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
