he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
