Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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