I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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