..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
