I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
