Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
