Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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