I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
