My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
