Cold hands, warm shart.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
