my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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