Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
