I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
