It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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