My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize