just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
