Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
