but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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