i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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