Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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