I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
