i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
