I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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