Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
