I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
