for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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