omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
