Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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