You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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