There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need a beard to bite.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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