well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
