Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
