How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
