just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
