Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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