you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
