All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
