Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
