Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
