I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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