Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
