If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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