I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was born a porn star she said
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
