We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
