I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
