we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
