you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize