Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
