your parents love me but you hate me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
