I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
