They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
