I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My breasts were aching with rage.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
