Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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